May 22, 2003, 11:09 a.m.
"There are a whole lot of little dreams: "I will do so
and so better"; "I will understand X, Y, and Z; "I will finally get the chance
to A, B, C!" Those dreams go to bigger dreams: "Today, I finally gave Master
X...." - and from there, who knows? Many midsized dreams; one big one...but it
all starts at hoping and wanting -today-, even though you don't -know- half the
factors that will be in your life when you're at a point of being able
-realize- those dreams. so they're all -dreams-, not realities. ... You want
to chose the right ones."
Submission as a Process
To begin answering the rather mammoth question of how to find which dreams to dream, I
suppose it's necessary to look at submission in itself. I established (for myself
anyway) in the last article, "Compatible Opposites", that submission is not merely
a simple act that one does without thought. It is a relinquishing of power and a
journey among the possibilities of potential ability. Once this basic idea is understood, then actual progress can be made. Anything before this is simply acting out a role that has been defined by other individuals. Submission can not be merely explained to you by someone else in any true, meaningful depth. Only through experience and self-trials can one fully begin to comprehend what it is that's happening.
This is not to sound elitist. It's just a fact that it's not the same to look at a picture of a chocolate cake as it is to actually eat it. You can certainly imagine what it might taste like, but until you've actually let that mix of cocoa butter and moist cake dissolve on your tongue, you can only describe the flavor based on your experience of -other- foods. The process for some, and probably me too, looks a little like this.
Discovery, Exploration, Discussion, Trial, and finally Incorporation. If you let
yourself get trapped in the fallacy of the initial exploration, then chances are you're
not getting everything out of your experience.
During Exploration, you're testing the waters. Watching other people swim around and dive into things and trying it out yourself. It can be difficult to move on from this little safety net. Control of all these situations still rest in your hands and walking away now means you're safe. A sub in the exploration mode is very much like an actor; playing the part they think is right. Assuming things go well, this naturally eases into Discussion. During the transition, a potential sub will begin to understand the differences in playing a role, versus actually acting on it. Exploration doesn't involve a lot of surrender, if any. It's simply browsing a subject with yourself as the guide.
Once she hits the Discussion phase, then the true notions of submission can be explored. Why? Because someone else is now directly involved. There must be someone to surrender to besides yourself, first. Discussion is necessary for more than just the sake of humility of knowledge. It is the first real step to finding your individual desires and style of submission. The more you learn about your options as a whole, the more successful you'll be in finding what suits you best. Realistically, Discussion can and usually will take place continuously throughout the entire development. I only point it out at this particular spot because it is important to show that there must be an outward realization that there is a difference between acting and -being-. This is usually best expressed with the help of another.
Once the sub understands this difference, she then moves onto Trial. During this time, she can test out her theories, and suggestions from others. The distinction here is that she is sincerely trying to give her whole self into the role. No more simply going through the motions. She must decide just how much of herself she can really give up. Will she be limited to simply the physical acts, or will she allow access to her mind and behaviors as well? This is very much a test stage. Not everything is guaranteed to work, even if she wants it to. This is also an important time to learn about the kind of Dominant she can work best with. Eventually, after an unspecified amount of time, she may come to a conclusion about her acts.
Either she's reached a limit in what she's willing to give up in herself to another, or she wants to go even further. Incorporation is the stage at which she has fully accepted her submission within herself. This does not mean she'll be able to perform every given task flawlessly. It should however represent a time when she can accept that submission in itself is something she is able to give, and moreover, wants to continually give more of. The question of, "can I really do this for him?" is more than likely replaced with "when will I be able to try this for him?". This is to say that Incorporation reflects an overall contentment with submission as a part of her life. It does not imply any particular level over another, such as a 24/7 slave over a bedroom submissive for example. Both require the same peace of mind to enjoy successful play.
In tomorrow's installment, I'll discuss the bits and pieces that make up this process. Normally I wouldn't split an article up like this, but this one has proved to be unusually long and I'm still rather busy. (Jump to [ Part 2 ] now.)
