May 07, 2003, 1:38 a.m.
It's everything a poised, refined lady should strive to avoid. It denotes a woman
so consumed by her lust that better judgment will have to take a back seat. The
word can bring up images of unfaithfulness, streetwalkers, and disease.
Having been graced with a huge amount of self-esteem and self-respect, hearing
this term during a play scene can have a pulverizing effect on my mind. In the
scene, "slut" carries a different meaning. For a while, I didn't know this and
took it very harshly whenever it was applied to me, even in a vague sense.
It became my new source of frustration and obsession. I had to prove to everyone
I played with that "this isn't me, I'm not a slut. I'm very particular who I
play with." I was hung up on the term, feeling like it was an unfair description
for my behaviour. I am very careful who I give my time up to and don't get into
scenes where the whole purpose is simply "kinky sex". I give up my time to those
people that understand what D/s is, and want just that. Eventually, I got around
to taking a small poll from the various Dominants I played with. What I heard
from each one sounded surprisingly similar.
"...a slut is a girl/woman that really enjoys sex for what it
is, and is not necessarily hung up on definitions and what it implies, ie
someone who can go out and have sex for fun, and not worry about "Does he like
me, love me, will he be here forever, etc. Almost always endearment, esp here"
An endearment. A sign of affection and pleasure. This was totally new to me. After
playing in the scene for several years.. I had never even thought to see it like this.
It's very much like the term "geek". When a person who says it who's not in the know,
it's meant to be derogatory and offensive. Coming from someone who has knowledge of
the industry, it is very much a compliment. Slut is the same way, especially for me,
when it comes from a male Dominant. Absolutely all of this goes back to the psychology
of play.
Sexual versus Mental play can be seen in various degrees in different Dominants but there
does seem to be a general trend based on natural inclinations. In males, I've found a
very strong urge to push the sexual aspects of a scene. Females on the other hand like
to play with the mind. When crossover occurs, the resulting effect on the opposite sex
can be exceptionally powerful. (A male that uses mental and verbal conditioning to
push a female, or a female that uses pure, unadulterated sexual drive to push a male.)
It's not what you expect and that's one of the cores of successful D/s play.
So hearing "slut" has a double meaning for me. If the Dom knows ahead of time about
my reservations, then uses it.. he's pushing his sexuality and his knowledge of my
rough limits into the scene. He's forcing me to confront the very nature that my outward
self strives to avoid. Mindless sex toy. The more I enjoy the sexual acts, the more
"right" he has to use it. But when he says it, he means two different things.
"Wow, you're excellent.. just what I want to see. Perfectly uninhibited and able to
please my every whim." Along with, "Ha, dirty little girl, giving in like a needy
animal in heat. You know you want it.. and this is what you are."
And why not? Is not sex perhaps the most carnal and basic pleasure we can partake in?
Why should I feel ashamed anyway; it's a natural act. But is having a dozen loads of
cum splattered on my face and then playing my fingers through it a "natural" act? Of
course not. Perhaps I can blame American society for the dichotomy of my sexuality.
I'm supposed to be sexy and revel in that, but at the same time be chaste and untouchable.
A strong, respected female doesn't go around claiming to be liberated and free by taking
loads of semen on her face. Or does she? Again, it's a duality.
To an outsider, this is most definitely the behaviour of a slut. She has no respect
for herself, or others opinion of her. She is content with degrading herself to
the same station of a kleenex or wet towel. An object to be used simply for the pleasure
of another. How utterly degrading and naughty. How... delicious. To become a piece
of sexual artwork, claimed by the splattered markings of the man who has convinced me to
kneel down and not just take it, but desire to be used at his whim. Even if I'm doing
it of my own free will, it is most definitely not an accepted thing in our society.
"Slut." No... I'm not.
"Slut." No... I chose this.
"Slut." No... I'm letting you.
"Slut." ...
"Slut." ...
"Slut." ... yes ...
"Slut." ... thank you, Sir.
